Reflections

With my second daughter, we had what's commonly called "secondary infertility". I had gotten pregnant within a few weeks of trying with my first daughter. And when she was a little over 2 we wanted to have another baby. We tried for over 2 years and I finally got pregnant.

I remember taking the test when DH was away. He was in the Navy Reserves and doing his two weeks in FL. So I was all alone when I found out I was pregnant. It was such an incredible feeling. I savored it. For all of 3 minutes and then I picked up the phone and called him. ; )

The weeks wore on and I didn't even have morning sickness! I felt a little tired, but great. Nothing at all like my first pregnancy.

And then I started spotting.

I called the Dr., went in to the hospital, and they scanned me. The little heartbeat reassured us, but I kept spotting. We went to see the Dr. the next day.

And there was no heartbeat any longer.

I was about 12 weeks pregnant.

I have no idea, to this day, why this happened. And I grieved. Oh how I grieved. I wrote letters to my baby. I saved all the little, silly things that Mommies save.

We waited a week or so and I never actually "lost" the baby, so I had to have a D&C. I was told that we could try again in 3 months.

And we did.

And I got pregnant immediately.

I was *terrified*. But I was also sick. VERY sick. Hyperemesis they call it. Was a silly little word for such a monster sickness.

So they told me that I may not be able to carry this baby. That there were sometimes that the mothers reaction to the pregnancy was so much that it was in her "best interest" to abort the child. That if this continued, I could die. I even had homehealth nurses trying to stick my dehydrated veins to give me a little fluid.

Of course I would carry this baby! How on earth could the Dr. think that I wouldn't? Where had he been during my last pregnancy? Didn't he see how badly I wanted a child?

Time eventually passed. Thanks to a *wonderful* husband that brought me the oddest food combinations and helped me (literally) to eat small bites. And at around 20 weeks, the sickness started to end.

I carried this precious baby the full 40 weeks.

There has never been a child more wanted or loved. Never been a child more viewed as a true blessing.

And today she turns 12.

We have a lot to do today, even though it's her birthday. But I pray that my attitude toward her always shows her how very special she is to us.

Today and everyday.